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Too much pain,

Make it stop,

Take it away.

It hurts,

Don’t want to live like this,

For even one more day.

I can feel it,

Burrowing its way through,

Resting deep within me.

I can’t take it anymore,

It’s eating me away inside.

I can’t be myself,

I have nothing left to give.

Isn’t there anyone out there,

Who can hear my silent screams?

Isn’t there someone,

Who can feel my numbing pain?

I need someone,

Who can wash away the clean.

Someone who can make me whole,

Just to take be back apart again.

Slice the vein,

Let the blood flow.

Bask in the pain,

Let it all go.

Open it wide,

Cut it deep.

Wash it all away on a crimson tide,

Put the feelings back to sleep.

I put you on a pedestal,

I adore you,

Worship you,

Idolize you,

Deify you.

I offer up to you,

All that I am,

All I’ll ever be.

My worst fears,

My deepest desires,

My strongest passions.

Are all yours,

To do with as you please.

My heart races,

Pounding hard in my chest.

My breathing is rushed,

Coming in gasps.

Strong hands,

Holding me tightly,

Shaking me violently.

Icy breath,

On the back of my neck,

Making my hair stand on end.

Familiar feelings,

I’m used to the dread,

I enjoy the pain.

I am comfortable,

When seized by fear.

I feel trampled,

I'm broken and bleeding.

Pleasant thoughts,

Are all receding.

Unreleased rage,

I want to rip and tear.

I can't stand,

This cross I bear.

A heart too big,

Emotions too strong.

No matter what I do,

I'm always wrong.

I want to be loved,

But all I feel is hate.

Written for my youngest son's pre-k graduation:



Today we watch as our children reach a milestone,

Taking yet another step towards the rest of their lives.

Do not mourn for the years that have passed so quickly by,

Rejoice in the glorious memories that have been created,

And in anticipation of those that are still to come.

Among these children there are many aspirations,

Some want to be firefighters,

Others strive towards becoming policemen and women, racecar drivers, doctors and fast food restaurant owners.

Each of us, as parents and grandparents,

Hold within ourselves everything needed to help them along in their voyages.

Compassion, understanding, love and acceptance,

Are the only things required to guide them in the right direction.

As this stage in their lives ends,

Another one begins.

Taking them farther along the path,

Of their lifelong journey.

Go ahead and run,

I'll just catch you.

Try to hide,

I can find you.

Scream louder,

No one will help you.

Beg all you want,

You'll still die.

Your life means nothing to me,

It's your death that will set me free.

Come weary traveler,

And relax by my fire.

You have been long on this path,

In a quest for understanding,

I can see within you the thirst,

For a deeper knowledge.

If your mind is strong enough,

I will tell you of legends.

Of omnipotent gods,

And horrific beasts.

Of angels and demons,

And bloody feasts.

I possess the drink that you desire,

And will fill your cup to overflowing,

If you can offer yourself as my eternal companion.

Together we can explore the unknown,

Find the things that have been secreted away,

And make them our own.

Together we can take the great,

And make it better.

Together we can take the evil,

And make it worse.

Together we can seize such enormity,

That people will bow down in our presence.

They will pray for our care,

And cower in fear of our wickedness.

Together,

We can become gods.

I’m consumed,

I can’t think,

Don’t want to feel.

Afraid of the pain,

The emotional drain,

Because that’s all that’s ever real.

I hurt,

It’s all I’ve ever felt,

All I’ve ever known.

I want it to be right,

To be real.

I want to know what it’s like,

To feel passion instead of indifference,

Pleasure instead of pain,

Love instead of hate.

I can’t go through the disappointment again,

Don’t make me go through it again.

The damp midnight air hangs heavily around me,

Full moon shining brightly in a perfect black sky.

I've come to this place to ponder my existence,

To ask the questions that eat me away inside.

What is my purpose,

And why this life?

Or why this place

Why at this time?

From behind me comes a whisper,

Eerie in the stillness of the night.

"Look deep inside yourself,

You will find the answers that you seek.

You will know,

The why, the what and the when."

I turn to thank the stranger,

Only to find that I'm alone.

Just me, the night and shadows,

And row upon row of tombstones.